please, don’t cry.
that is the last thing i ever intended to do. i am hurt right now, and it makes me mad. it makes me mad because you now scare me, and for the longest time you were the only one who didn’t.
i don’t hate you. i still love you more than anything else. but i’m not okay, and my last straw was pulled today. i’ve been extremely patient. but i ran out. and i really do find that understandable. i signed up for friendship. not fucking bruises.
i can only continue living tongue in cheek for so long before i break.
i miss you. old you. the new one makes me feel… asjfsld. i’m not sure how to put it. unsafe. unhappy. uneasy. unaccepted. i grew out of my depression, by the way. i have wanted to tell you. but i’m not exactly sure how to bring myself to say words like that out loud. i’ve been a lot happier. so you wouldn’t even have to deal with my negativity anymore. i worked on it. i cried. i cried a lot. and i changed. i haven’t cut for an entire week now, though god, i’ve been fucking tempted, and i’ll be surprised if i can make it one more, but i’m trying baby steps. i’m proud of myself. idgaf how cheesy, corny and pathetic i sound, i am. i’ve filled up an entire notebook with poems, lyrics and rhetorical letters. if i die tonight, or tomorrow night, or any night soon, tell people to check under my dresser. there’s something for everyone in there. on a brighter note, i feel so much better. but certain people and attitudes still bring me down. and i just can’t afford to try anymore. i’m sorry. i tried hard for a really long time, but i can’t try anymore. it’s taking everything out of me, and i feel it is absolutely worthless to keep trying - who are we kidding, huh? the damage has been done. people change. feelings fade. i suppose that saying will always apply.
i’ll miss you. i do already. but i guess this is what’s best.
i need to let you go. i really do. i’m hurt. physically and emotionally. i’m unhappy. i can’t deal with having you around, and all i want is to leave. leave, never look back, find another person to tell me beautiful lies. but somehow, i can’t.
i can’t forget all the inside jokes. the good nights. the terrible nights. the times when both of us were barely hanging on by a thread, and the only thing we had was eachother. i can’t forget the nicknames. i can’t forget all of our pictures. i just can’t forget about all of it.
although i’m pissed as hell at you right now, although the fact that i got hit today and my back STILL hurts like hell, i’m going to ignore it. i’m going to say everything’s fine. i’m going to be okay, or at least seem okay.
maybe you shouldn’t talk to me tomorrow.
or the next day.
it’s nothing personal. i’m just mad and i need time to think.
tumblr! tumblr people! MY GOD HOW IVE MISSED YOU. there’s so much to say, so much to say! (:
asjksldfs its sad how happy that makes me